Settling in.

Here is something that I like about the UK:

You know how sometimes you'll eat a single serve yogurt or a Quaker chewy granola bar and you'll think to yourself, "That wasn't quite enough. I wish I had a little more." But you can't really justify eating a second Activia or granola bar cause that would be too much yogurt or snack and you just end up sitting there a little bit disappointed, you know that feeling? Well, it doesn't happen here. The yogurt and the granola bars are probably one and a third the size of the ones from home. And they're both still delicious.

I love feeling satisfied post-snack.

Also, I'm a pretty dedicated coffee drinker in the morning. The thought of having tea first thing in the morning is silly to me, the only thing that'll really get me out of bed is a cup of good strong coffee. BUT... in the afternoons and evenings my fingers and toes get a little cold (I think it's because of the damp) and I'll start thinking about a cup of tea or a cup of cocoa. I'm drinking Cadbury hot cocoa right now and it is delightful. I'm beginning to understand the british tea and cocoa thing a little more than I used to.

School still hasn't really gotten underway, I've just done the whole registration thing and met with a couple professors and tutors. Tomorrow I don't have any classes, so I'll probably just wander downtown and see what I can see. I still need to pick up a printer and a couple of other school supplies, and I'll likely stop at a market to get some fruit and veg (apparently we don't say "vegetable" here) for dinner and lunch the next couple days. I also need to pick up some bandaids, as I've developed a pretty epic blister on my left heel from all the walking I've done in the past little bit. Serioulsy. That sucker is the size of a toonie.

I miss feeling at home, but I don't know if I miss home yet.

here i am.

So far:
- I live with a bunch of 18 year olds. Oh dear.
- My apartment is small, but pretty decent. Bought some stuff at the IKEA in Nottingham and it's working out pretty well. My closet is only a foot wide though, and this is posing a bit of a problem.
- Leicester is pretty sweet... there's awesome shopping within walking distance (H+M, Topshop, Lacoste, etc.) I'm going to have to budget HARD. The downtown core is closed to traffic, so everywhere is made for pedestrians and it's super cute.
- First day of "school" is tomorrow... just learning about the program and stuff. The subwardens (babysitters for the 18 year olds, essentially) say this first week is really about drinking, so...
-I've consumed a lot of beer and rationalized it away by all the walking I've done.

I'll let you know how school goes.

puke

If you read the post below you'll notice that I was yammering on about not being worried about a bunch of things, and how my only concern about starting my new life overseas is that I'll constantly smell of browning meat.

Well, the calm that was settled over me as I wrote that post has long since gone and I'm deep in panic mode now. My visa arrived in the mail on Friday so that's one thing off my plate, but other than being free to enter and leave the UK as I please nothing has happened to ease my mind about any of the other stuff I mentioned. Yes, I'm still worried about smelling like meat, as well as a myriad of other things.

I'm really scared, people. And the thing I'm most scared about is the thing I thought I was most sure about up until recently. What if - and brace yourself, as what I'm about to say is going to contradict pretty much everything I've said to you up until this point - WHAT IF I HATE BEING A LAWYER?

What if I spend a TON of money on a legal education only to discover that I can't stand practicing law? Or, even worse, what if I spend a ton of money on a legal education only to discover that I absolutely SUCK at practicing law? I hate being bad at things. Absolutely hate it. What if in two years I have to slink home to Canada with a massively expensive degree, no desire to use it and no idea how to use it properly? WHAT IF ALL THAT HAPPENS? THEN WHAT?!?

I did some number crunching today and I had to stop and put my head between my knees and just breathe, breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth so that I didn't vomit due to the sheer amount of debt I'm putting myself in. Up until this point all those figures and columns felt like play money, imaginary sums moved from column to column, and somehow I magically always had just enough cash on hand to buy those stupid boots or pair of jeans or whatever.

I have no idea how to budget, how to be a grownup, or how stretch a dollar. I'm a hopelessly spoiled and selfish kid and I'm terrified I'm going to show up in England, forget the pound translates to 2 dollars and end up buying ridiculous items from street vendors and Marks and Spencer until one day I wake up and realize that I don't have money to buy the tea that I'm sure to start drinking because I'm going to live in England, after all.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not really into touching people, that hugs are reserved for special occasions or if I've been drinking a little, but believe me when I say right now that I need a hug.

I'm going to go talk myself down from this ledge.

red tape

I wasn't able to apply for my student visa until after I got back from Italy because the UK Border Agency keeps your passport while they're processing your application. It's iffy whether or not I'm going to get my passport back in time for my plane ride to London on the 25th of September.

I'm moving to a place where I'm not going to know a single soul, where I'll have to learn how to be a student again, where they drive on the wrong side of the road and I'm not going to have a clue how to get around and - even though they speak english - the locals' accents can make them difficult to understand.

I'm not going to have the same kind of income I've gotten used to, and returning to a student budget is sure to be difficult. Especially because I'm going to be living in a place that is just a hop, skip and a jump from many of the places I've dreamed of visiting (Greece, Ireland, Spain, Germany)... It's going to be very difficult to be budget conscious.

So. The logistics of my trip are up in the air, I'm going to be lonely and I'm going to be poor. But I'm not at all worried about any of those things. I'm pretty confident that all of the little details will fall in to place. There's only one little issue that keeps popping in to my head on a regular basis and it's so trivial and silly that I can't believe I spend time thinking about it.

Here's what's bugging me lately. I have a studio apartment lined up in Leicester, so my sleeping/living/cooking/eating space is basically going to be one small room. You know how when you're cooking say, spaghetti, or stir fry, and your whole kitchen will reek of ground beef or onions or whatever? And you know how if your stove vent isn't running the food smell will get in your clothes, and you won't really notice until you're out getting a coffee or shopping or something and then all of a sudden you catch a whiff of yourself and you think, "Oh weird, I smell like dinner."

I'm worried that because I'm pretty much going to be sleeping in my kitchen that my bedding and all of my clothing are going to smell like dinner for my entire stay in Leicester. And I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be the one who walks by and people say "Hey, do you smell shepherd's pie?"

I hope they have Febreze in England.