loser.

Another week of school is nearly over, and I'm finally starting to feel more and more like a serious student. I mean, today I don't have class until 4, but I was up and at school by 10am and spent a good 3 hours in the library reading. Came home for lunch and a bit of a nap and now I'm heading back for class. See what I mean about being a serious student? I spend time there when I don't have to, I attend all classes (haven't skipped on yet), and I take notes and do readings. I have never really acted this way before. It feels nice. It also stresses me out. But probably in a good way.

Leicester is still in the midst of fall weather, which I love. It's cool, but not cold. Scarf and light jacket weather. When the sun is out, it looks like the cover of that Bob Dylan album, and it's just lovely.

I've been feeling a little off lately... not homesick, exactly, but not right. I always get this feeling when I'm in the midst of settling into a new group of people in a new place. When I reach the point where I have a set of acquaintances - not friends, exactly, but people who may become friends in time - I always get this sick feeling when I'm interacting with them. Like everything I say is wrong. That I'm too defensive, or too quiet, or too loud, or I'm trying too hard. It's like I'm on the edge of feeling at ease with people, but before I can truly feel comfortable I have to feel terribly UNcomfortable.

It's awful. I over analyze small conversations, I read too much into things, and I almost invariably leave every single human interaction feeling like a bit of a dolt. Not a nice feeling.

I know it'll pass... inside my head I know that these silly little conversations that haunt me make little to no difference in the lives of the people I'm talking to. I know that I'm actually pretty normal and once I get over myself I can be kind of fun to be around. I know all that. But I don't feel it these days. And that's bringing me down.

So, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say I'm rocking a solid 7 these days.